Frage von FragenBoy99, 41

Könnt ihr das kurz anschauen und wenn von nutzen Korrigieren :D?

Regional News:

Because of the strong snowfalls till the sunday morning, happened several traffic accidents. The police officers from the police station from Garmisch-Partenkirchen had 11 sorties in the weekend. Sunday night about 1 a.m. was a collision, a women seriously injured and two people slightly injured.

National News:

Horst Seehofer its in a convention in Kreuth collapsed. An emergency doctor was called to the place of accident. Seehofer his voice became brittle. He suffered a qualm. 

International News:

The organisation Amenesty International raises a heavy reproach: In high-tech-products from Apple, Samsung and Microsoft shall cobalt contained in, that comes from a mine in Kogo, where children already work away 7 years.

The Weather for Thursday:

In the morning will it snow light with 6 degrees below zero.At noon the light snowfall will slackens.At the afternoon and in the night its will be colder with 10 degrees below zero.

Antwort
von SeifenkistenBOB, 6

Regional News:

"Due to" klingt besser als "Because of".

"happened" kommt ans Ende des Satzes.

"Police officers from the police station" Isnt it obvious? Kannste weglassen.

"sorties" vielleicht richtig, klingt aber komisch. Sag doch einfach "operations", das versteht auch jeder.

DURING the weekend.

A collision took place on sunday night at 1 a.m.. A woman was seriously injured,...

Repetition of "injured" ist nicht so toll..

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