Frage von sleepingturtle, 63

Kann mir jemand meinen geschriebenen englischen Text richtig Verbessern?

Allso es geht um eine Erfingung die noch nicht vorhanden ist und wir sollen sie vorstellen.

Introduction

Do you know the situation when you hold something in your hand and you place it somewhere and after a few minutes you literally dont know where you put it? I think everyone had experienced it. And it is really annoying. The solution is an app, which you download. It can find all your missing things. The app works like a X-ray apparatus it shows your whole house on your display. So you easy can find your missing things and dont lose time or money for new things if you would find the old one.

Main-part

The bad thing on this invention is that it sends minimum radiation to the environment. So maybe you shouldnt use it too much but usually you dont lose your things very often. You probably shouldnt hold the electronic devise very near to you when you use the app. You also need a mobile phone or a tablet to download the app. So it is clever that you dont lose the electronic devise where you saved the app. If you would like to have the finder app on your phone you have o download or buy it.

When you own the app you dont must to spend time to seek the whole house. You only have to activate the app and that takes only two seconds. Furthermore you dont vast your good mood and become angry because you dont find something. If the object you seek for is hidden in your house the app will 100per-cent for sure find what you searching for. And it will never happen again that you dont find something and have to buy it again. So you will save money.

Conclusion

The finder app is a great solution for messy or forgettable people. It helps you to find missing things but you should use it to often.

Hilfreichste Antwort - ausgezeichnet vom Fragesteller
von AstridDerPu, Community-Experte für Englisch, 21

Do you know the situation when you hold something in your hand (Komma) (---) place it somewhere and after a few minutes (ans Satzende) (---) literally dont (RS)
know where you put it? I think everyone had experienced it. And (kein Satzanfang) it (Demonstrativpronomen) is really annoying. The solution is (Ich bevorzuge "would be".) an app, which you download (Ich würde hier eine Infinitivkonstruktion bevorzugen.). It can find all your missing things. (Diese beiden Sätze solltest du miteinander verbinden.) The app works like (RS) X-ray apparatus (---) (Konjunktion oder Relativsatz) shows your whole house on your display. So you easy (Wortart) can find (Word Order) your missing things and don
t (RS) lose time or money for new things if you would find the old one (Verneinung).

Main-part

The bad thing on (Präposition) this invention is that it sends minimum radiation to the environment. So maybe you shouldnt (RS) use it too much (Wort) (Komma) but usually you dont (RS) lose your things very often (Ich würde noch "sowieso" in den Satz einfügen.). You probably shouldnt (RS) hold the electronic devise very near (Wort) to you when you use the app. You also need a mobile phone or a tablet to download the app. So it is clever that (Ausdruck) you dont (RS) lose the electronic devise where you saved the app. If you would like to have the finder app on your phone (Komma) you have o (RS) download or buy it.

When you own the app (Komma) you dont (RS) must (Komma) to spend time to seek (Grammatik) the whole house (Es fehlt eine Präposition). You only have to activate the app and that (Besser wäre ein Relativsatz.) takes only two seconds. Furthermore (Komma) you dont (Komma) vast (Wort) your good mood and become angry because you don(RS) find something (Stil) . If the object you seek (---) is hidden in your house (Komma) the app will 100per-cent for sure (Ausdruck) find what you (Hier fehlt ein Hilfsverb.) searching for. And (s. o.) it will never happen (Ich würde hier die Inversion bevorzugen) again that you dont (s. o.) find something (Stil; Wiederholung) and have to buy it again. So you will save money.

Conclusion

The finder app is (Ich bevorzuge "would be".) a great solution for messy or forgettable (Wort) people. It helps you to find missing things (Komma) but you should use it to (RS) often (Verneinung fehlt.).

- Kurzformen wie don't usw. sollten - zumindest in formellen Schreiben - in der Schriftsprache nicht verwendet werden.

- Vielleicht findest du ja auch ein anderes Wort für thing, damit du ein wenig abwechseln kannst.

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com, für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!.

:-) AstridDerPu

Kommentar von AstridDerPu ,

Schön, dass dir meine Antwort gefallen hat und danke für das Sternchen!

AstridDerPu

Antwort
von Oubyi, 14

Im ganzen sehr gut.
Folgende Fehler habe ich beim Überfliegen gefunden:

...an X-ray
...use it too often
...to download
...you don't have to
...you don't waste
....don't find
...what you are searching
...you should not use
...it too often

Kontrolliert das aber nochmal selber, ich bin auch nicht DER Profi.

Antwort
von deepxpalexblue, 23

Introduction
Do you know the situation when you hold something in your hand and you place it somewhere and after a few minutes you literally dont know where you put it? I think everyone has experienced it, isn't it really annoying? The solution is an app you can download. It can find all your missing things. The app works like an X-ray apparatus; it shows your whole house on your display. This way you  can find your missing things easily and dont lose time or money for new things if you could find the old ones.
Main-part
The bad thing with this invention is that it still sends a minimum of radiation into the environment. Maybe you shouldnt use it too much but usually you dont lose your things very often. You probably shouldnt hold the electronic device very near to yourself when you using the app. You also need a mobile phone or a tablet to download the app, so it would be clever not to lose the electronic device which you saved the app on. If you would like to have the finder app on your phone you have to download or buy it.
When you own the app you dont have to spend time to seek the whole house. You only have to activate the app and that takes only two seconds. Furthermore you dont waste your good mood and become angry because you cant find something. If the object you seek for is hidden in your house the app will 100percent sure find what you searching for. It will never happen again that you dont find something and have to buy it again. So you will save money.
Conclusion
The finder app is a great solution for messy or forgettable people. It helps you to find missing things but you shouldn't use it too often.

So das wäre die korrigierte Version :) ich gehe an eine englische Schule, also dürfte es eigentlich stimmen obwohl ich das nicht hundertprozentig garantieren kann. Bitte gewöhn dir ab, jeden zweiten Satz mit "und" zu beginnen ;)

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