Frage von Piyanisch, 27

Kann jmd meine Englischhausaufgabe nach Fehlern kurz überprüfen.Schreibe ein Ende zur GEschichte "Locker 160"WICHTIG:Habe eine schlechte Note:/?

öh ich habe das ende vergessen :D hier ist es: “Do you know where she is” I whispered to Julie. “I have no idea” Julie answered. “She’s never been late for class before.” “Maybe she isn’t at school today?” “Yes, maybe..After school was out KAren and me saw an ambulance standing in front of school.Julie looks at me.We both hoped that the ambulance was here because of Miriam. As we looked in one of the milk glasses of the ambulance a boy ask what we are doing there . We answered nothing and that we only want to sea what is in there. We both start giggleing. Julie asked the boy what happened."The boy explained us that one girl try to kill herself in one of the Home Ec roms. I asked whats the name of the girl were . The boy answered " I think her name is Miriam Laker". Now we cant hold back lauging.It must be true, Miriam try to kill herself in one of the Home Ec rooms. The boy looked confused "Why are you laughing ?" he asked .I said that he wouldnt understand, afterwards we walked away. In the even Jullie called me "Do you thinks hes dead?"she ask"I hope so" I said " and if she survies it?""Then we have to bully her until she kill herself" I answered giggleing

Antwort
von Kristallstahl, 17

Hier eine überarbeitete Version from myself. I hope u like it. ;-) Den Anfang habe ich weggelassen,

(..) After school was over Karen and I saw an ambulance standing in front of our school. Julie looked at me. We both hoped that the ambulance was here because of Miriam. As we looked in one of the milk glasses of the ambulance a boy asked us what we are doing there. We answered that we are doing nothing and only wanted to see who is in there. We both started giggleing. Julie asked the boy what happened. The boy explained us that one girl tried to kill herself in one of the Home Ec rooms. I asked "What's the name of the girl?" The boy answered "I think her name is Miriam Laker". Now we cant hold back laughing. "It must be true. Miriam tried to kill herself in one of the Home Ec rooms." The boy looked confused "Why are you laughing?" he asked. I said that he wouldn't understand. Then we walked away. In the evening Jullie called me "Do you think she is dead?" she asked. "I hope so" I answered "And if she survives it?" "Then we have to bully her until she succeeds in killing herself" I answered giggleing.

Ich hoffe in deiner Reinversion hast du nicht so viele Rechtschreibfehler wie hier. Vergleiche einfach deine mit meiner Version und bessere eventuelle Fehler bei dir aus.

Kommentar von Piyanisch ,

Vielen vielen Dank :)

Kommentar von Kristallstahl ,

Gern geschehen. Das war für mich ein Leichtes. :-)

Kommentar von ChickPea ,

Fehlerfrei ist dein Text allerdings aucht nicht.

Expertenantwort
von AstridDerPu, Community-Experte für Englisch, 14

“Do you know where she is” I whispered to Julie. “I have no idea” Julie answered. “She’s never been late for class before.” “Maybe she isn’t at school today?” “Yes, maybe..After (Wort) school was out (Komma) KAren and me (Pronomen) saw an ambulance standing in front of (Hier fehlt etwas.) school. Julie looks (Zeit) at me.We both hoped that the ambulance was here (Wort) because of Miriam. As we looked in (Präposition) one of the milk glasses (Wort) of the ambulance (Komma) a boy ask (Zeit) what we are (Zeit) doing there . We answered nothing and that we only want to sea (RS) what is (Zeit) in there. We both start (Wort) giggleing (RS). Julie asked the boy what happened.(Zeit)The boy explained (Hier fehlt eine Präposition.) us that one (Wort) girl try (Zeit) to kill herself in one of the Home Ec roms. I asked whats (Grammar) the name of the girl were (Grammar). The boy answered " I think her name is Miriam Laker". Now we cant (RS; Zeit) hold back (Hier fehlt etwas.) lauging (Wort; RS). It must be true (Zeit), Miriam try (Zeit) to kill herself in one of the Home Ec rooms. The boy looked confused "Why are you laughing ?" he asked .I said that he wouldnt (RS) understand, afterwards (Wort) we walked away. In the even (Wort) Jullie (RS) called me "Do you thinks hes dead?"she ask (Wort) "I hope so" I said " and if she survies (---)?"

"Then we have to bully her until she kill (Grammar) herself" I answered giggleing (RS; Punkt)

Bitte überprüfe die Zeichensetzung in der wörtlichen Rede.

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de.

AstridDerPu

Kommentar von Piyanisch ,

Dankeee!

Antwort
von larissajaksz, 23

We answered that we only wanted to sea what is in there. We both start giggling. Julie asked the boy what happened."The boy explained us that one girl tried to kill herself in one of the Home Ec rooms. I asked him for the name of the girl . The boy answered " I think her name is Miriam Laker". Then we couldn't  hold back our laughing.It had to be true, Miriam tried to kill herself in one of the Home Ec rooms. In the evening Jullie called me "Do you think shes dead?"she asked."I hope so" I said "and what if she survives it?""Then we have to bully her until she kills herself" I answered giggling

Kommentar von Piyanisch ,

Danke

Kommentar von larissajaksz ,

Erster Satz noch *see und zweiter *started

Antwort
von Shodylol, 27

Do you thinks hes dead?" -> Do you think hes dead?"

wouldnt -> wouldn't

 she kill herself ->  she kills herself

Bitte in einer Zeitform bleiben.

Nach "he, she, it" IMMER ein s schreiben.

Kommentar von Piyanisch ,

Dankeschön für die Antwort :) , ist es egal ob ich im simple present schreibe oder im simple past?( nur in der selben Zeitform)?

Kommentar von Shodylol ,

Bleib bestenfalls in der Zeitform in der die Geschichte geschrieben ist.

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