Frage von schinid, 111

Kann jemand Englisch gut?

Hallo, zusammen! Ich brauche Hilfe. Morgen schreiben wir klausur. Kann sein, dass wir diese Thema bekommen. kann jemand meinen Brief prüfen? Es wäre sehr hilfsreich! Vielen dank im Voraus

I was very pleased to read the article " Fashions dirty secret" in your publication. This article has raised hopes for the fight against child labour, because we also buy product, that were made by children. The author has clearly pointed out how important the work of the local charities is in order to help children in India. In the solution of this problem corporations play a huge role. Control on use of child labor depends on them. By transfer of orders to subcontractors they have to check carefully them and transfer orders only to those contractors who are ready to guarantee that they don't use child labor. And also to control it. I was shocked, when I read in what conditions children are compelled to live, do not mention it that children shouldn't work. Children work and sleep on the floor. From my point of view this is a contemporary slavery and it needs to be stopped. Thus I suggest we ought to take action in favour of the local charities . I will organize a fundraiser to collect money for this organization. More people should know about this problem. I also think that for people who use child labor should be more severe punishment. For that, I'll open a petition to collect signatures of people. We will file a petition to tighten the law for the use of child labor.

Hilfreichste Antwort - ausgezeichnet vom Fragesteller
von AstridDerPu, Community-Experte für Englisch, 52

I was very pleased to read the article " Fashions (s-genitive) dirty secret" in your publication. This article has raised hopes for the fight against child labour (kein Komma) because we also buy product (Plural; kein Komma) that were made by children. The author has clearly pointed out how important the work of the local charities is in order to help children in India.

In the solution of this problem corporations play a huge role. - Satzstellung Control on (Hier fehlt ein Artikel.) use of child labor  (= AE; BE = labour) depends on them.

By transfer of orders to subcontractors they have to check carefully them and transfer orders only to those contractors who are ready to guarantee that they don't use child labor. (Der Satz ergibt keinen Sinn.)

And also to control it.  (Das ist kein vollständiger Satz.) I was shocked (kein Komma) when I read in what conditions children are compelled to live, do not mention it that children shouldn't work (Das ergibt keinen Sinn und steht in keinem erkennbaren Zusammenhang zum Satzanfang.). Children work and sleep on the floor. From my point of view (Komma) this is (---) contemporary slavery and it needs to (Wort) be stopped. Thus (Wort) I suggest we ought to take action in favour of the local charities. I will organize a fundraiser (RS) to collect money for this organization (Wenn damit die local charities gemeint sind, muss hier der Plural stehen.). More people should know about this problem. I also think that for people who use child labor (s. o.) (Hier fehlt ein Wort.) should be (Hier fehlt ein Artikel.) more severe punishment. For that (Ausdruck), I'll open a petition to collect signatures of people. We will file a petition to tighten the law for the use of child labor (s. o.).

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de.

:-) AstridDerPu

Kommentar von jocins ,

PLUS Aufbau des Briefes, darauf achten Lehrer auch. 

Dear ... 

und am ende je nach dem an wen du schreibst, Sincereley. 

Ausserdem hin und wieder Absätze machen, und eigentlich such noch fragen stellen... Soll ja nen Brief werden. 

Kommentar von AstridDerPu ,

Schön, dass dir meine Antwort gefallen hat und danke für das Sternchen!

AstridDerPu

Expertenantwort
von Bswss, Community-Experte für Englisch, 50

fashion's ... secret

we buy products that were (KEIN Komma!)

The author clearly points out..

Der Satz "BY transfer is.. ist verkorkst.

Antwort
von simsataby, 54

we also buy products*

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