Ist dieser Zeitungsartikel auf Englisch richtig?

... komplette Frage anzeigen

3 Antworten

In the suburb of New York (Hier fehlt etwas.) happen peculiar, dreadful (Grammatik) things (Stil). - (Satzstellung)
People are murdered by gang members, drug dealing belongs to (---) daily
life and violence is at the top on (Präposition) the list. But on Monday (---) 4th March (Komma) everything was different. Two girls wanting (Grammatik) to stay unknown (Ausdruck) were forced by men to come with them. ‘’They wanted to push us in the van’’ explains the one girl (Grammatik) with a shaking (Wort) voice. What then happened (Satzstellung) is (Zeit) ridiculous: A boy ran to one of the man (Grammatik). As (Wort) the boy reached him, the man pulled a knife from his pocket. Even so (Wort) the boy did not go to (Hier fehlt etwas.) ground, but a huge burst of power blasted out (Das ergibt keinen Sinn.). The men’s bodies were scattered
on the ground. ‘’It was like the world stood idle (m. E. zu formell). Everything
disappeared for a moment" elucidates (Wendung) the other girl. After a few seconds of silence (Komma) the boy came to the girls to ask them if they were
alright. ‘’Before we went away, we expressed (Hier fehlt etwas.) thanks (Wendung). I mean, we don’t know how he did that, but we’re so grateful’’ describe they (Grammatik). The police investigates (Grammatik) the menfor annoyance and the boy for murder (Wendung). Although there are proves (Grammatik), the police is (Grammatik) insecure (Wort) and cannot explain the deed (Wort).

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!

:-) AstridDerPu

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Kommentar von skatergirlyolo
20.03.2016, 21:13

In the
suburb of New York always happen peculiar, dreadful affairs/matters. People are
murdered by gang members, drug dealing is a widespread problem and violence is
at the top of the list. But on Monday, March 4 2016, everything was different.
Two girls who want to stay anonymous were forced by men to come with them.
‘’They wanted to push us in the van’’ explains one of the girls with a quavering
voice. What then happened was ridiculous(ich verstehe nicht, was an der Satzstellung falsch ist): A boy ran to one of the men. When the
boy reached him, the man pulled a knife out of his pocket. However the boy did
not go to the ground, but a huge burst of power blasted out (Ist eine science fiction handlung, weshalb es für ,,Nicht-leser'' dieses Buches kein Sinn ergibt). The men’s bodies
were scattered to the ground. ‘’It was like the world stood idle. Everything
disappeared for a moment’’ elucidates (heißt doch erklären, oder?) the other girl. After a few seconds of
silence, the boy came to the girls to ask them if they were alright. ‘’Before
we went away, we said thank you. I mean, we didn’t know how he did that, but
we’re so grateful’’ they told. The police investigate the men for annoyance and
the boy for murder.(was ist falsch? Es heißt doch: investigate sb for sth.)  Although there are witnesses, the police are uncertain and
cannot explain the deed (vllt. action?)

0

In the suburb of New York always happen peculiar, dreadful things. People are murdered by gang members, dealing with drugs belongs to the daily life and violence is at the top on the list. But on Monday the 4th March everything was different. Two girls who want to stay unknown were forced by men to come with them. ‘’They wanted to push us in the van’’ explains  one of the girls with a shaking voice. What then happened is ridiculous: A boy ran to one of the men. As the boy reached him, the man pulled a knife out of his pocket. Even so the boy did not go to ground, but a huge burst of power blasted out. The men’s bodies were scattered to the ground. ‘’It was like the world stood idle. Everything disappeared for a moment’’ elucidates the other girl. After a few seconds of silence the boy came to the girls to ask them if they were alright. ‘’Before we went away, we said thank you. I mean, we don’t know how he did that, but we’re so grateful’’ they told. The police investigates the men for annoyance and the boy for murder. Although there are witnesses, the police is insecure and cannot explain the deed.

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Kommentar von lenaaaaa1
19.03.2016, 13:35

beim dritten Satz das muss noch on the top of the list heißen

0
Kommentar von Bswss
19.03.2016, 16:36

Ich sehe keinen Sinn in Deinem fettgedruckten Beitrag.

0

Nein, das ist er auf keinen Fall, denn inhaltlich und sprachlich enthält er zahlreiche Fehler.

Hier einige Korrekturen, Auswahl:

Die "suburbs" von New York  sind wenig oder gar nicht bekannt für  Kriminialität. Selbst in "verrufene" Stadtteilen (boroughs)  wie z.B. der Bronx herrschen keineswegs überall Verhätnisse so, wie Du sie darstellst.

Dien Hauptproblem sprachlich ist, dass Du oft  "DEUTSCH" mit englischen Wörtern schreibst. Hier ein paar Anregungen:

Many dreadful things happen  in some areas of New York City.

Drug trafficking is a widespread problem (".. the daily life" ist auch grammatisch falsch)

on Monday, March  4 ,  (2016?)...  (kein "the" im Datum!

girls who want to stay anonymous...

.... one of the two girls explains (Wortstellung)

When the boy reached him... Das deutsche "als" ist mit "when" zu übersetzen.

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