Frage von getweird, 32

Ist das Englisch gut?

Many people don’t know how to help the poor people in the development countries. Maybe this essay can offer some help. More than the half of the world`s population owns less than 2 Euros to live per day. Better distribution of income, bound with concerted aid to those people in education, health and economy would help them very much. Furthermore I think we have got enough food to support the whole humanity. A better distribution of those resources is very important. Thirdly education for the children in development countries is also necessary. Over 125 million children can’t afford school. According to UNICEF over 6 million Euros are needed to get a better education for those children. In my point of view clean water is one of the most important things to help them. Foul water is one of the things why many people in development countries die. Over five million children die yeary because of foul water thus sanitation is needed. Last but not least child labor is an important part. 250 million children work worldwide. Children work for little money, so they are preferred as workers. They have to work under poor conditions, since they need the money. Over 300.000 children are used for being soldiers. In cooperation with the government and those organizations we have to help them. Summing up I can say we have many options to help people in development countries. You can donate money, adopt children or help directly on location.

Antwort
von SiViHa72, 15

Achtung, Du benutzt einen falschen Begriff- es heisst nicht development country!

https://dict.leo.org/ende/index_de.html#/search=entwicklungsland&searchLoc=0...

Ansonsten gut, auch stringent argumentiert.  *dh*

Antwort
von SoMean, 11

Ließt sich gut.
Würde da wo du von Kinderarbeit schreibst nicht 2 mal Children nehmen hört sich so gedoppelt an.
Nach dem Punkt vllt They... nehmen.

Und ja - developing Countrie.

Kommentar von SoMean ,

mit s am ende

Antwort
von Kathata, 10

Es ist sicherlich nicht schlecht, wenn du richtig gut schreiben willst solltest du manche Passagen, die oft mit sehr einfachem Grundvokabular beschrieben sind, noch ersetzen, wie zum Beispiel:

Many people don’t know - Ich würde mir noch einen cooleren Introsatz überlegen

would help them very much - would help tremendously(nur ein Vorschlag)

we have got enough food - there is enough food

child labor is an important part - keine Ahnung wie ;)

Also keine Fehler, aber noch Verschönerungspotential!

Aber alles in allem ist es aber schon gut! Die Ich-Perspektive könntest du noch weglassen, dann klänge es noch besser :)

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