Frage von annamarialena12, 90

Hilfe!:( ist das englisch so richtig?

Hallo ihr lieben!
Ich habe eine Frage und wäre euch unendlich dankbar dafür, wenn mir jemand helfen würde. Da ich leider keinen habe der mein Englisch korriegieren könnte, wollte ich fragen ob es jemand durchlesen könnte und meine Schreibfehler mir mitteilen könnte. (wenn auch so etwas falsch ist, dann gerne auch das).
-> My day without my mobile phone, television and the internet was an interesting experience. I couldn't check my mobile phone to become new information, to interact with friends or to check how the weather will be today. At the beginning it was a bit hard not to check my mobile phone, because that is something i do everyday after waking up. Everything felt so calm and slow. But after a time it was great not to worry about texting or calling someone. It wasn't that hard to watch no television, because that isn't something i do everyday that much. It was actually a relief to spend time doing other things and to take a break from everything that happens on social media. But my concerns where that maybe something will happen with my friends or my family and i wouldn't be able to know it. A day without my mobile phone and television was a day with more time for doing and meaningful thinks like reading a book or to pursue my hobbies, for which i haven't so much time also because of the school. Studying or doing homework was more productive, because i was more focus on it. I enyoed doing them without the distraction of my phone or the television. Usually i am sometimes interrupt by getting new messages from my phone. I think it will be better without mobile phones, the internet and television because we would have more time for doing other and more "real" (??) contacts with people. Altough there are also many positive sides: for example you can connect with friends which are too far away and get fast information about the internet. Es geht eigentlich noch weiter aber dachte das wird jetzt für hier zu lang.. :-) Schon mal vielen Lieben Dank!

Antwort
von Lavenella, 35

But my concerns -were- ...

..more Time for doing meaningful -things- like...

I was more -focussed- on it.

Vielleicht passt besser: We would have More Time to communicate with people while sitting next to them instead of texting all the Time.

Hoffe ich konnte Irwie helfen:')

Kommentar von annamarialena12 ,

Vielen Dank!! 

Also soll ich das "doing other things" vor dem meaningful einfach weg lassen? 

Antwort
von aja170, 55

Become ist falsch muss wenn dann get hin

Kommentar von annamarialena12 ,

Danke! Sonst nichts?

Kommentar von aja170 ,

ich habe mir den Anfang nir durchgelesen

Antwort
von Hardware02, 22

"to become": Vokabelfehler. Das heißt nicht "bekommen", sondern "werden". Du müsstest also schreiben: "to get new information"

"I" hast du öfter klein geschrieben. Mach das nicht.

Es wäre besser, wenn du "would" schreiben würdest, also z.B. "I was concerned that something would happen with my family or friends ..."

Über die Hausaufgabe: "I was more focused on it". "focus" ist das Substantiv, "to focus" das Verb, und das musst du natürlich angleichen.

"doing ... contacts" passt nicht. Man könnte sagen "having ... contacts" oder "interacting with people".

Ich weiß nicht, ob ich alle Fehler erwischt habe. Aber mein Mittagessen ist jetzt gleich fertig und riecht schon lecker ;-)

Expertenantwort
von Bswss, Community-Experte für Englisch & Schule, 8

become heißt nicht bekommen. "Bekommen" heißt get.

"I" immer großschreiben!

because  I  focus(s)ed on it(school) . (I was more focussed on..)

enjoyed

friends who  (!)

I get information via Internet very fast

Antwort
von Oubyi, 24

Ich finde das sehr gut. Ein paar Kleinigkeiten, die mir beim Überfliegen aufgefallen sind:

for doing ./. meaningful things
for which I don't have so...
because I was
more focused on it
real life contacts (geht aber auch ohne life, denke ich)

Antwort
von ROMAX, 14

My day without my mobile phone, television and the internet was an interesting experience. I couldn't (besser: could not. Formell geschrieben wird nicht verkürzt) check my mobile phone to become (besser: obtain oder gather) new information, to interact with friends or to check how the weather will be today. At the beginning it was a bit hard not to check my mobile phone, because that is something i do everyday after waking up. Everything felt so calm and slow. But after a time it was great not to worry about texting or calling someone. It wasn't (besser: was not) that hard to watch no television, because that isn't (besser: is not) something i do everyday that much. It was actually a relief to spend time doing other things and to take a break from everything that happens on social media. But my concerns where (muss heissen: were) that maybe something will happen with my friends or my family and i (I muss gross) wouldn't (besser: would not) be able to know it. A day without my mobile phone and television was a day with more time for doing and meaningful thinks (muss heissen: things, Satz soll wohl heissen: ...for doing more meaningful things) like reading a book or to pursue my hobbies, for which i haven't (besser: do not have) so much time also because of the (the muss weg) school. Studying or doing homework was more productive, because i was more focus (muss heissen: focussed) on it. I enyoed (muss heissen: enjoyed) doing them without the distraction of my phone or the television. Usually i (I muss gross) am sometimes interrupt (muss heissen: interrupted) by getting new messages from my phone. I think it will be better without mobile phones, the internet and television because we would have more time for doing (besser: pursuing) other and more "real" (??) contacts with people. Altough there are also many positive sides: for example you can connect with friends which are too far away and get fast information about the internet.

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