Frage von CookieIsHere, 42

Hi Leute könnt ihr mir diesen Englisch Text verbessern?

First day in school ever

Thinking of my first day at school makes me feel nervous because at that time I did not even know what I am doing there. I do not remember every single situation or detail but I never forget the feeling when I stepped in my class. I saw the teacher Ms.Eve and probably my future friends.It was September when I entered the building for the first time. The school building looked rather modern. It was rather easy to find my class because my mother knew the way. First I though it would be great but I did not knew what await me for the next few years. I also remember that it was very rainy and could outside. The students in class talked to each other and became friends but I was very shy and unsure so I just sat there and hoped that somebody would do the first step and talk to me.

All in all , it was not a good first school day. By the end of the day I felt terrible and walked unhappy out of the building.

Ich habe im herbst dann eine Prüfung und ich brauche jemanden der mir den text verbessert.

Danke im voraus!!

LG cookie

Antwort
von Naddl1993, 17

Liest sich erstmal nicht schlecht. Hier und da ist jedoch die Zeitform falsch, weil du die Gegenwart benutzt, während du von der Vergangenheit berichtest. Und die Satzstellung ist mitunter nicht ganz sauber. Dafür ist die Rechschreibung fehlerfrei =) Besser wäre der Text so:

First day in school ever

When I remenber to my first day at school, I get nervous, becaus I did not knew, what I was doing there. I do not remember every single situation or detail but I never forget the feeling when I stepped in my class. I saw the teacher Ms.Eve and probably my future friends.It was September when I entered the building for the first time. The school building looked quite modern. It was very easy to find the way to my classroom, because my mother knew the way.
First I thought it would be great but I did not knew what was waiting for me next few years.
I also remember that it was very rainy and cold outside.
The students in class talked to each other and became friends but I was
very shy and unsure so I just sat there and hoped that somebody would do
the first step and talk to me.

In conclusiuon I can say , it was not a good first school day. By the end of the day I felt terrible and unhappy walked out of the building.


Ich hab die Änderungen in kursiv geschrieben.

Abschließend: Schau dir vor allem die Grammatik und ein wenig das Vokabular nochmal an, deine Benutzung von "rather" war so nicht ganz richtig. Außerdem erscheint es in der Prüfung besser, wenn du anstatt zweimal rather einmal ein anderes Wort verwendest, ähnlich wie ich oben.

Viel Glück bei deiner Prüfung!









Kommentar von CookieIsHere ,

Danke dir sehr ! :) 

Expertenantwort
von AstridDerPu, Community-Experte für Englisch, 10


Thinking of my first day at school makes me feel nervous because at
that time I did not even know what I am (Grammatik) doing there. I do not remember every single situation or detail but I never forget (Grammatik) the feeling when I stepped in (Präposition) my class. I saw the teacher Ms.Eve and probably my future friends.It was September when I entered the building for the first time.
The school building looked rather modern. It was rather easy to find my class because my mother knew the way. First I though (Wort; RS) it would be great but I did not knew (Grammatik) what await (Grammatik) me for the next few years. I also remember that it was very rainy and could (Wort; RS) outside. The students in class talked to each other and became friends (Komma) but I was very shy and unsure so I just sat there and hoped that somebody would do the first step and talk to me.


All in all, it was not a good first school day. By the end of the day (Komma) I felt terrible and walked unhappy (Grammar) out of the building.


Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.



Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,



für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!



:-) AstridDerPu

PS: im Voraus






Kommentar von CookieIsHere ,

wow danke:)

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