Frage von franz9, 44

Hi :) Was kann ich hier noch verbessern?

Ich soll eine Gedichtsanalyse zu "Dis Poetry" schreiben. Was kann ich an Rechtschreibung und Inhalt noch verbessern?

The poem “Dis Poetry” from Benjamin Zephaniah belongs to modern English Literature. It is influenced by the music and the poetry of Zephaniahs’ home country Jamaica. The Jamaican author, who was born in 1958, moved to London in 1979 and introduced his first poems. The poem “Dis Poetry“ depicts his own life in a simple format.

“Dis Poetry“ is divided into three stanzas with an irregular number of verses. “Dis Poetry“ plays an important role in Zephaniahs’ life. You can recognize this in the whole poem because he always repeats that “Dis Poetry“ is always with him (v. 10). In addition to that the poem requires a lot if imagination. Zephaniah left school with 14 years and was unable to read and write at this time. You can see this in his poems because there are a lot of grammatically changes.

The rapid change between simile “like a riddim dat drops“ (v. 1); “dat shoots like shots“ (v. 2) and personification “preaching follow me“(v. 6); “put yu to sleep“ (v. 7) and “is not afraid of going ina book“ (v. 16) creates an atmosphere of familiarity and closeness to the topic. The repetition and anaphoric usage underlines its central meaning and the songlike form.

The Jamaican English shows a different usage of pronouns (“me“ instead of “my“ in v. 10). The conjugation of verbs is also different and simpler. You can recognize this in verse 7 (“yu is blind sheep“) and verse 17 (“dis poetry need ears“). There are also no marked tense forms which you can see in verse 42 (“I pass thru University“). This creates a relaxed atmosphere. The spelling in the poem has changed compared to Standard English because it is written as pronounced.Benjamin Zephaniahs’ biographical background (his Jamaican family)and his artistic roots (oral performance) are represented in these features.

In my opinion the author has written an entertaining poem which is easy to practice and to perform. The poem is also not so traditional which I really like at Zephaniahs’ style.

Vielen Dank für eure Hilfe :)

Expertenantwort
von AstridDerPu, Community-Experte für Englisch & Sprache, 24

The poem “Dis Poetry” from (Präposition) Benjamin Zephaniah belongs to modern English Literature. It is influenced by the music and the poetry of
Zephaniahs’ home country Jamaica. The Jamaican author, who was born in
1958, moved to London in 1979 and introduced his first poems. The poem
“Dis Poetry“ depicts his own life in a simple format.

“Dis Poetry“ is divided into three stanzas with an irregular number
of verses. “Dis Poetry“ plays an important role in Zephaniahs’ life. You
can recognize this in the whole poem because he always repeats that
“Dis Poetry“ is always with him (v. 10). In addition (Komma) the poem
requires a lot if (RS) imagination. Zephaniah left school with 14 years (Ausdruck) and was unable to read and write at this (Demonstrativpronomen) time. You can see this in his poems
because there are a lot of grammatically (Wortart) changes.

The rapid change between simile “like a riddim dat drops“ (v. 1);
“dat shoots like shots“ (v. 2) and personification “preaching follow
me“(v. 6); “put yu to sleep“ (v. 7) and “is not afraid of going ina
book“ (v. 16) creates an atmosphere of familiarity and closeness to the
topic. The repetition and anaphoric usage underlines its central meaning
and the songlike form.

The Jamaican English shows a different usage of pronouns (“me“
instead of “my“ in v. 10). The conjugation of verbs is also different
and simpler. You can recognize this in verse 7 (“yu is blind sheep“) and
verse 17 (“dis poetry need ears“). There are also no marked tense forms
which you can see in verse 42 (“I pass thru University“). This creates a
relaxed atmosphere. The spelling in the poem has changed (Grammar) compared to Standard English because it is written as pronounced. Benjamin Zephaniahs’ (Grammatik; RS) biographical background (his Jamaican family) and his artistic roots (oral performance) are represented in these features.

In my opinion (Komma) the author has written an entertaining poem which is easy to practice (Sinn???) and to perform. The poem is also not so (Ausdruck; Grammatik) traditional which I really like at (Ausdruck) Zephaniahs’ (s.o.) style.

Was mir auf die Schnelle aufgefallen ist.

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!

:-) AstridDerPu

Antwort
von Sheyyla, 20

Es fällt sofort auf, dass du überhaupt nicht auf den Inhalt eingegangen bist.

Du schreibst zwar "The poem “Dis Poetry“ depicts his own life in a simple format", aber dann kommt gar nichts mehr.

Den Satz hast du leicht verändert aus einem Artikel übernommen: "This poem has depicted his own life and he has put that in simple format as just a saying through this poem" - aber dort ist es eine Art Schluss-Satz, nachdem die Autorin Strophe für Strophe durchgegangen ist.

Man liest deine "Analyse", aber das Gedicht wird dem Leser kein Stück verständlicher gemacht.

Ich würde auch auf die "Musik"/den Vortragsstil eingehen und den Titel "Dis Poetry" und die "City Psalms".

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