Hausaufgabe, Englisch, Korrektur?

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3 Antworten

Hab's mir nicht ganz durchgelesen, aber da waren am Anfang ein paar Fehler. Du fängst mit 'slept' also Simple Past an, aber machst weiter mit Simple Present. Entweder du schreibst den ganzen Text im Simple Present, oder im Simple Past. Aber nicht beides. Bei Erzählungen benutzt man meistens Simple Past 😁

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Kommentar von DeadlyDestiny
01.03.2016, 00:47

Dankeschön, werde ich beachten! :)


The old Bus
I slept peaceful until the rays of the sun woke me up. I slowly got up and got ready for my day. A last look into the mirror tells me, that my best days are over. My gray hair decreases every day, I need glasses and I am not in the best shape anymore. With a smile I left my little flat. I am a little early for the bus, which I take every monday to go shopping in the city. My eyes discover the damaged buildings around the bus stop. It feels like hours until the bus arrives and I take a seat in the bus. In the bus are only pensioners. Maybe they want to go shopping too or visit their family or friends. The bus stops and an old woman enters the bus followed by a very young man. His eyes are wandering through the bus and rest on my face. I give him the same look. The teenager has long curly hair, wears a dirty jacket and his jeans are ripped. Only his shoes are white and seem to be fairly new. Is this the new fashion? Back in my days we dressed plain, but fashionable. I wanted to impress the ladies with my clothes. But at the end there was only Linda left for me. She enchanted me with her beautiful smile and the shine in her eyes, she enjoyed the moment. She loved the new things, but collected all the old things from her family. Our minds are connected, even if we say nothing. I gave her everything I had, my heart. We took all of our money and traveled around the world, visited the craziest places. We were young and wanted to conquer the world. We were like birds, which fly high and nobody was able to stop us. We wanted to raise our own family. I bought a big house at a tiny lake. We planted an apple tree. The tree grew, but not our family. Lindas organs were infected with cancer.
The boy in front of me who was still staring at me, got me out of my daydream. He seems to be nervous. Why is he still staring at me? Has he never seen an old men sitting in a bus? Is there something in my face, at what he is looking at? I feel uncomfortable on my seat, so I slide back and forth. What a strange situation, which I want to escape quickly. I breath fitfully and fast. The air feels heavy. I close my eyes for a while. I try to remember the good days, on which we were able to laugh because she was not already infected.
The bus stops and there was a sigh in the silence. I open my eyes, the boy left the bus and everybody seems to be pleased that he is gone. I got off the bus at the next stop and went into the little supermarket around the corner. With a tiny smile I put the apples into my trolley.

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I slept peaceful (Wortart) until the rays of the sun wake (Zeit) me up. I slowly get  (Zeit) up and went ready  (Wendung) for my day. A last look into the mirror tells me (kein Komma) that my best days are gone (Grammatik). My gray hair decreases (Wort) every day, I need glasses and my conditions (Wort) aren't the best. With a smile in the mirror I left my little flat. I am to (Wort) early for the bus, which  (Stil) I take every monday  (RS) to go  shopping in the city.

Falls Fehler vorhanden sind ... ?

Schon in den den ersten 5 Sätzen sind mehr als genug Fehler aller Art (Grammatik, Rechtschreibung, Zeichensetzung, Ausdruck) enthalten. Ich habe aktuell aber nicht genug Zeit, sie alle zu markieren.

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B.,

für die Grammatik und - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!

:-) AstridDerPu

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