Frage von Bastibng, 33

Halo musste englisch ein text schreiben?

hallo ich habe in Englisch ein Text geschrieben und ich will es freiwillig abgeben und meine frage ist ob ihr mal rüber gucken könnt ob alles richtig ist wenn möglich berichtigen bitte:) das ist der Text

This photo what is at stake is more than media and it can be viewed on the radio in 1945 and that was a medium for the masses .

The photo has been taken in black and white and can be seen for 6 persons . On the left side you can see an old Man sitting on a sofa , he has a shirt and a jacket with a tie . In addition to the old man sits an old woman who has a pair of glasses and a dress carrying and holding on one leg a book with her elbow . On the right side is a young girl with medium-length hair , and she wears a dress and sitting on a chair . In addition to the young woman to another woman with braided hair Young stands . She has a plaid sweater and overalls on . In addition to the young woman with the overalls is a young woman sure has a hat on his head and with her right hand she holds the young man on the shoulder. n addition to the woman with the hat is the man who also has a hand on his left shoulder . The man is wearing a suit and arm with his left hand he holds on the radio and it can be concluded that he presented the radio the old people . In the middle is as I said on the radio on a table and the radio are many newspapers . In the background is a large window and on the windowsill is a flower and you can see a wall with a floral pattern and on the left on the wall hangs a picture and on the right side on the wall hangs a picture and as a last resort you can see even the curtains . In the text, the mass media and participatory media " is talked about a variety of media . The newspapers print war die first major development early 19 yes hundred . In 1930 the radio was invented then the next big advance was and you see available in the image where the newspaper lying down and the radio standing on top of the table , because it's dying newest invention and described over time , as well as in the text new means of communication arise How Internet. In text is spoken by advertising and sponsors and as you can see in the picture , the man speaks and presents the radio and tried to convince the elderly , he makes advertising and trying to find sponsors who continue to finance his invention . One can say it with the development of media continues with the years and the message what is meant in the image that is the elderly are for the newspapers , for the old media and the young people for the radio , for the new medium stands .

Antwort
von SeifenkistenBOB, 20

Hast du evtl. das Bild da?

Denn schon der erste Satz verwirrt mich! Ein Bild, das man im Radio sehen kann? Es kann nur von 6 Leuten
gesehen werden? Das Radio sind viele Zeitungen?

Du solltest u.a. nochmal den Satzbau genau unter die Lupe nehmen. Die "sentence connectors" sollten öfter variieren (nicht immer "In addition", was eigentlich auch nicht so richtig passt).

Auch auf die Zeitform achten! What I/we can see ist immer im Präsens.

Kommas gibt es auch im Englischen. Sie sind zwar nicht Pflicht, helfen aber ungemein beim Lesen und beim Verständnis.

Ich nehme an, diese Personen *haben* nicht nur die Kleidung, sondern tragen (to wear) sie auch.

Die Sätze manchmal nicht verständlich. Du solltest versuchen, kürzere Sätze zu bauen und vor allem einen korrekten Satzbau verwenden.

"19 yes hundred" ist aber nicht dein Ernst, oder?


Kommentar von Bastibng ,

Das Foto um was es geht ist über Medien und darauf kann man das Radio in den Jahren 1945 sehen und das war ein Medium für die Massen.

The photo has been taken up in Black and white and one can see 6 people. On the left side one sees old One on a sofa sits, he wears a shirt and a sports jacket with a tie. Beside the old man sits an old woman who has glasses and carries a dress and holds on a leg a book with her elbows. On the right side is a young girl with medium long hair and she also wears a dress and sits on a chair. Beside the young woman stands another young woman with twisted hair. She wears a checked pullover and overalls. Beside the young woman with the overalls stands och a young woman see a cap on the head and with her right hand has she catches the young man on the shoulder. Beside the woman with the cap(hat) the man stands also one hand on his left shoulder has. The man wears a suit and with his lefts poor he touches the radio and from it one can close he the radio to the old people presented. In the middle the radio stands like said on a table and under the radio many newspapers lie. In the background is a big window and on the sill a flower stands and one can see a wall with a little flower pattern(sample) and on the left side on the wall a picture and on the right side hangs on the wall a picture and as the last hangs one still sees the curtains. In the text „Mass media and Participatory media“ it is also spoken of different media. The newspapers print the first big development was a beginning of 19 hundred. In 1930 the radio was invented him what was him the next big progress and one sees it also in the picture where the newspaper lies below and the radio stands on top on the table because it is the newest invention and with the time as well as in the text described new communicative devices originate like Internet. Text is spoken of advertisement and sponsors and how one sees in the picture, the man talks and presents the radio and tries to persuade the older people, he makes advertisement and tries to find sponsors his invention financing further. One can say it goes on with the years with the development of media and the message what in the picture with it is meant, is this the older people for the newspapers stand, for the old medium and the young people for the radio for which new medium stands.

so besser ?

Kommentar von SeifenkistenBOB ,

"One can see.." ist unüblich, wenn nicht sogar ganz falsch. Verwende "The picture shows..." oder notfalls auch "I/we/you can see...".

Du hast immer noch tw. ziemlich lange Sätze drin. Wenn es mit dem Satzbau und Interpunktion nicht so klappt, dann bilde kürzere Sätze. Das macht die Sache einfacher! Manche Sätze sind mit einem "und" verbunden, wobei sie dadurch keinen Zusammenhang bilden! Mach zwei Sätze draus!

Du musst auch keine komplizierten Formulierungen benutzen, wie bspw.: "the message what in the picture with it is meant". Ganz einfach: The message of this picture..." (oder auch "The artist wants show the viewer that...")

The woman holds a book between her leg and her elbow.

The radio is placed on top of a stack of newspapers (on a table).

Du musst dich im neuen Satz nicht immer auf den vorhergehenden Satz beziehen. Das zieht es nur unnötig in die Länge.

Benutze ein Wörterbuch! Jahrhundert heißt century! Bsp: at the beginning of the 19th century.

"wie gesagt" (as (I) said) schreibt man nicht in einen Aufsatz! "Wie bereits erwähnt" (as (I) already mentioned) klingt besser.

Da sind noch einige Sachen zu verbessern, aber das sollte dein Englischlehrer machen!

Du solltest dir wirklich die Regeln zum Satzbau lernen. Wo es Regeln gibt, gibt es auch Ausnahmen und dazu (v.a. für reguläre Ausdrücke oder Redewendungen) eignet sich linguee.de ganz gut.

Schau dir mal diese useful Phrases an: http://cms.ac-martinique.fr/discipline/anglais/file/picture-description/words-ph...

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