Frage von AnjaSch17, 18

Hallo, ich muss im Englischunterricht (12.Klasse) ein Werbeplakat beschreiben. Ich habe einen Text verfasst. Könnte jemand bitte die Fehler korrigieren?

In today’s fast-paced world, the advertising poster aims to transfer meaning with a single look. The advertisement we have chosen has a design of some few visual elements. Now we would like to have a closer view on this advert. First, we look at the contents and the structure. In the foreground of the picture, we see a male doll with hanging head and a key inserts in the back. Down right of the poster is a slogan 'Wake up with a premium roast coffee' next to a cup of coffee. Top right is the logo from McDonald's with the text 'I am loving it'. On the left side, there are three car tires. It is the selection and combination of this different signs that allow us to convey meaning through advertisement. The central point in the binary image is the doll who represents an exhausted mechanic. The slogan is clearly visible and catches our attention. The relation between picture and text is unequally distributed, but the focus is the mechanic who cannot work. The worker attracts our full attention and we create a desire to help the man. The empty background almost creates a frame around the exhausted mechanic also strengthening his presence in within the picture. The hanging head shows to the coffee slogan. The combination of this both signs beguile the viewer into buying a cup of coffee. The name ‘McDonald' has a very direct meaning because the viewers should buy there the coffee. We could suggest that the aim of this advertisement is to affect consumers into believing that the people need a cup of coffee. In conclusion, we can accept that this advert is cleverly crafted to create the ideas of message represented. Overall, we believe this advertisement is successful in creating meaning, which is important for marketing purposes. This advertising poster successfully get our message, the people should be encourage to drink more coffee, across with no more than a fleeting look.

Antwort
von sniggelz, 18

Korrekturen im Text:

In today’s fast-paced world, the advertising poster aims at transfering
meaning with a single look. The advertisement we have chosen has a
design of just a few visual elements. Now we would like to have a closer
look at this advert. First, we look at the contents and the structure.
In the foreground of the picture, we see a male doll with hanging head
and a key inserted into it's back. Down right of the poster is the slogan
'Wake up with a premium roast coffee' next to a cup of coffee. On the top right
you can see the logo of McDonald's with the text 'I am loving it'. On the left
side, there are three car tires. It is the selection and combination of
this different signs that allow us to convey meaning through
advertisement. The central point in the binary image is the doll who
represents an exhausted mechanic. The slogan is clearly visible and
catches our attention. The relation between picture and text is
unequally distributed, but the focus is the mechanic who cannot work.
The worker attracts our full attention and we create a desire to help
the man. The empty background almost creates a frame around the
exhausted mechanic also strengthening his presence within the
picture. The hanging head points to the coffee slogan. The combination of both signs beguiles (nicht sicher, ob das in diesem Zusammenhang die richtige Vokabel ist) the viewer into buying a cup of coffee. The
name ‘McDonald' has a very direct meaning because the viewers should buy
the coffee there. We could suggest that the aim of this advertisement
is to get consumers to believe that the people need a cup of
coffee. In conclusion, we can say that this advert is cleverly
crafted to create the ideas of the message represented. Overall, we believe
this advertisement is successful in creating meaning, which is important
for marketing purposes. This advertising poster successfully transports our
message - the rezipients should be encourage to drink more coffee - across
with no more than a quick look.

Kommentar von Bswss ,

transferring .... Top right (ohne "on the...")... into its back... the focus is on the ... encouraged... recipients...

Expertenantwort
von AstridDerPu, Community-Experte für Englisch, 12

In today’s fast-paced world, the advertising poster aims to transfer (Präposition; Grammatik) meaning with a single look. The advertisement we have chosen has a
design of some few (Ausdruck) visual elements (Formulierun)
. Now we would like to have a closer view on (Ausdruck) this advert. First, we look at the contents and the structure.
In the foreground of the picture, we see a male doll with (Hier fehlt etwas.) hanging head and a key inserts in the back (Grammatik) . Down right of (Ausdruck) the poster  (Hier fehlt etwas.) is a (bestimmter Artikel) slogan 'Wake up with a premium roast coffee' next to a cup of coffee. Top right is (unvollständig) the logo from (Präposition) McDonald's with the text 'I am loving it'. On the left
side, there are three car tires (= AE; BE = tyres). It is the selection and combination of this (Grammatik) different signs that allow  (Subjekt-Verb-Bezug) (---) to convey meaning through advertisement. The central point in the binary image is the doll who (Pronomen) represents an exhausted mechanic. The slogan is clearly visible and catches our attention. The relation between picture and text is
unequally distributed (Wort), but the focus is the mechanic  (Formulierung) who cannot work. The worker attracts our full attention and we create (Wort) a desire to help the man. The empty background almost creates (Wort; Wiederholung) a frame around the exhausted mechanic (Komma) (---) strengthening his presence in within (doppelt-gemoppelt) the picture (at the same time). The (Wessen?) hanging head shows to the coffee slogan. The combination of this both (Grammatik) signs beguile  (Wort; Subjekt-Verb-Bezug) the viewer into buying a cup of coffee. The
name ‘McDonald' (RS) has a very direct meaning because the viewers should buy
there the (Possessivpronomen) coffee (Word Order)
. We could suggest that the aim of this advertisement is to affect consumers into (Ausdruck) believing that (---) people need a cup of coffee. In conclusion, we can accept (Wort) that this advert (Zeitform) is cleverly crafted to create the ideas of message represented (Das ergibt keinen Sinn). Overall (Wort), we believe this advertisement is successful in creating meaning (Formulierung; Sinn wird nicht klar), which is important for marketing purposes (Formulierung). This advertising poster successfully get (Subjekt-Verb-Bezug) our (Pronomen) message  (---) people should be encourage (Grammatik) to drink more coffee (kein Komma) across
with no more than a fleeting look. (Satzstellung; so ergibt der Satz nicht wirklich Sinn.)

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!

AstridDerPu

Expertenantwort
von Bswss, Community-Experte für Englisch, 11

Dein / Euer  Text klingt teilweise professionell, ist aber nicht ganz fehlerfrei. Am Schluss sollte es z.B. richtig heißen:

This poster successfully gets the message across that  people are  encouraged to drink more coffee with just a fleeting look.

"the .. head shows to..." ist falsch. Meint Ihr "looks at"? points at"?

Der Plural von "this" ist "these".....

McDonald's

should buy/get  their coffee there (Wortstellung!!!)

a closer look at (nicht " view on")

Sinnvoll wäre auch noch ein Hinweis darauf, dass der bekannte Slogan "I'm loving it" NICHT der Standard-Grammatik bzgl. simple present / present progressive entspricht.

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