Frage von moriarty123, 27

Hallo Community. Würde mich freuen, wenn ihr euch meine Englisch-ha mal durchlesen und ggf korrigieren könnt. Wir müssen einen Vergleich auf Englisch ...?

...schreiben. Ich habe noch nie einen geschrieben und uns wurde auch nicht erklärt wie das geht. Ich besuche derzeit die 10. Klasse eines Gymnasiums. Die Aufgabe lautet:

Write a comparison - Youth culture in Ireland and in Germany

Letzte Unterrichtsstunde hatten wir einen Gast aus Irland, der uns etwas dazu erzählt hat. Dies ist mein Text:

Last English lesson we had a guest. His name is Sean (Nachname absichtlich weggelassen). Sean comes from Dublin, Ireland. Now he’s living here in Germany for one year and studies business and German. He told us some about the Irish youth culture. So I’m going to write a comparison about youth culture in Ireland and in Germany.

Our conversation started with the question if he likes Germany. He replied that Germany is a nice country but for him the cars drive on the wrong side of the street. Then he told us that the German people are nice, too. For e.g. when he was in a supermarket and asked an employee where to find something she answered him in English because she recognized his accent. He didn’t like it but he knew she just wanted to help.

After this we talked about different minimum legal age limits. He explained to us that the minimum drinking age (MDA) in Ireland is 18. He likes the MDA of 16 for low percent alcohol in Germany. Sean thinks that our system is better because the teenagers can learn the handling with alcohol earlier. He told us that the Irish people drink less but he likes the German beer culture. Later we asked him at which age you are allowed to drive a car in Ireland. According to Sean, you can do your driving licence in Ireland at the age of 17. This age limit he likes in Ireland more than in Germany because he thinks the age of 18 is too late. The following question was about the age of consent (AOC) in Ireland. He was surprised that the AOC in Germany is 14. In Ireland it is 17. In his point of view 14 is too early. Next we talked about the age of criminal responsibility in Ireland. We were surprised to find out that the age of criminal responsibility in Ireland is 10. He likes this age limit because he’s of the mind that young children have to bear responsibility for their doing, too. The last question on the subject minimum legal age limits was about the minimum age to vote. It is in Ireland like in Germany 18. He would like the minimum age to vote of 16. In his opinion people at the age of 16 are old enough to vote. Moreover, the youth are the adults from tomorrow.

At last we talked about differences between German and Irish teenagers. We never knew that we express more with our fashion and use our phones a lot more than Irish people. The favourite sport of Irish teenagers is football, too.

To sum up, we can say that we learnt a lot. Every youth culture is different and has its own advantages and disadvantages.

Freue mich über jegliche Kritik, Verbesserungen meiner Grammatik, Anmerkungen zum Aufbau eines Vergleichs etc.

Danke!

Expertenantwort
von AstridDerPu, Community-Experte für Englisch, 7

Hallo,

nur die offensichtlichsten Fehler, weil die Textmenge hier den Rahmen sprengt:

Last English lesson we had a guest. His name is Sean (Nachname
absichtlich weggelassen). Sean comes from Dublin, Ireland. Now he’s
living here in Germany for one year and studies business and German. He
told us some (Wort) about the Irish youth culture. So I’m going to write a
comparison about youth culture in Ireland and in Germany.

Our conversation started with the question if he likes Germany. He
replied that Germany is a nice country (Komma) but for him the cars drive on the wrong side of the street. Then he told us that the German people are
nice (too wird heute eher nicht mehr mit Komma abgetrennt.) too. For e.g. when he was in a supermarket and asked an employee
where to find something (Komma) she answered him in English because she recognized his accent. He didn’t like it (Komma) but he knew she just wanted to help.

After this (Komma) we talked about different minimum legal age limits. He
explained to us that the minimum drinking age (MDA) in Ireland is 18. He
likes the MDA of 16 for low percent alcohol in Germany. Sean thinks
that our system is better because (---) teenagers can learn the handling
with alcohol (Ausdruck)
earlier. He told us that the Irish people drink less (Komma) but he likes the German beer culture. Later we asked him at which age you are allowed to drive a car in Ireland. According to Sean, you can do your driving licence (Ausdruck) in Ireland (Position) at the age of 17. This age limit he likes in Ireland more than in Germany because he thinks the age of 18 is too late. (Satzstellung). The following question was about the age of consent (AOC) in Ireland. He was surprised that the AOC in Germany is 14. In Ireland it is 17. In his point of view (Komma) 14 is too early. Next (Komma) we talked about the age of criminal responsibility in Ireland. We were surprised to find out that the age of criminal responsibility in Ireland (Position) is 10. He likes this age limit because he’s of the mind that (Ausdruck) young children have to bear
responsibility for their doing, too (s.o.; ich würde in diesem Satz mit also arbeiten). The last question on the subject  (Hier fehlt eine Präposition.) minimum legal age limits was about the minimum age to vote. It is in
Ireland like in Germany 18. (Satzstellung)
He would like the minimum age to vote of 16. (Formulierung) In his opinion (Komma) people at the age of 16 are old enough to vote. Moreover, the youth (Ausdruck) are the adults from (Präposition) tomorrow.

At last (Komma) we talked about differences between German and Irish
teenagers. We never knew (Formulierung) that we express more with our fashion and use our phones a lot more than Irish people(Hier fehlt etwas.). The favourite sport of Irish teenagers is football, too (s.o.).

To sum up, we can say that we learnt (learned) a lot. Every youth culture is different and has her (Pronomen) own advantages and disadvantages.

Einiges würde ich anders formulieren, aber es ist ja dein Text und soll es auch bleiben.

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!

:-) AstridDerPu

Kommentar von moriarty123 ,

erstmal ein fettes danke :) ja klar ist es mein Text, aber wenn du mir ein paar Tipps geben kannst, wie ich es besser formulieren kann, würde es mir ja auch für die Texte helfen, die ich in der Zukunft schreiben muss.

2-3 Beispiele wären voll nett, den ganzen Text überarbeiten würde zu lange dauern. Aber andere wollen ja auch deine Hilfe :) Musst du wissen, ob du vielleicht nochmal 5 min für meinen Text aufbringen kannst :)

Kommentar von AstridDerPu ,

Auch dazu habe ich dir geantwortet.

Antwort
von moriarty123, 4

Eines ist mir grad selbst aufgefallen:
Every youth culture is different and has its own advantages and disadvantages.

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