Frage von IND2015, 11

Essay korrigieren - Teenage Pregnancy?

Hallo,

ich habe ein Essay geschrieben über Teenage Pregnancy geschrieben. Ich wollte fragen, ob jemand mir mein Essay korrigieren könnte. Und könnt ihr auch eine eigene Meinung äußern, ob der Essay mir gut gelungen ist oder nicht. Eine eigene Note von euch für mich wäre auch hilfreich.

Teenage Pregnancy - Essay

Nowadays, more and more teenagers in the USA and in the UK becoming pregnant. In fact, the USA has the highest rate of teenage pregnancy in the developed world. I can see a number of reasons why the teenage pregnancy rate in the USA is so problematic.

First of all, I would like to start with an important factor; namley, that teenagers don´t think of the consiquences of their actions. They don´t think that the aftermath of their irresponsibility can lead to pregnancy. Some teenagers want to attract or seek attention by having children. Some of the teenagers think that having children while still a tennager will make them seem more mature and grown up. Teenager pregnancy is globally one of the biggest problems in today society. The wrong attitude towards contraception is, in my opinion another big reason for the amount of teenage pregnancies. Many teenagers are lazy about using contraception and therefore becoming pregnant. I recently read in the newspaper that many girls become pregnant, because of forgetting the morning after pill. Many teenagers today don´t know how big responsibility to raise a child. Becoming a parent is a big responsibility that should give priority, but how can a teenager handle with this big responsibilty when he or she is too young too. The teen doensn´t fully understand that all free time is lost, taht she will have to find some may to support herself and the child, and that any of her aspirations for future plans are now drastically changed. Children take up a lot of time, which also means, no more school.

To raise a child involves a lot of patient and sacrifices which lot teens don´t have. Some teenagers who get pregnant early may experience anxiety, depression and other emotional feeling. We know that teenagers ages of 15-19 are still young and so emotion and other feelings of being teenagers might occur. Some of the causes of early teenage pregnancy are lack of education especially sexual education, poverty, undergraduate, or problems with the family. Lack of Education should be given priority; I am agreeing that sexual education should be learned in school. And this another reason of teenage pregnancy. Many teenagers don´t receive proper sex education, due to either poor teaching and the failure of many parents to discuss this topic with their children. Many progamms in our society associated with teenage pregnancy are also increasing and debatting on how to prevent this kind of issue. Sex Education is one key factor that are studying whether to teach it or not. LEIDER KANN ICH NICHT DARF ICH NICHT MEHR WEITERSCHREIBEN. BEDANKE MICH IN VORAUS.

Expertenantwort
von AstridDerPu, Community-Experte für Englisch, 11

Nowadays, more and more teenagers in the USA and in the UK becoming (Zeit) pregnant. In fact, the USA has the highest rate of teenage pregnancy in the developed world. I can see a number of reasons why the teenage pregnancy rate in the USA is so problematic.

First of all, I would like to start with an important factor; namley (RS) (kein Komma) that teenagers don´t think of the consiquences (Zeit) of their actions (Stil: 2 x of-Genitiv hinteinander.). They don´t think that the aftermath of their irresponsibility can lead to pregnancy. Some teenagers want to attract or seek attention by having children. Some of the teenagers think that having children while still a tennager (RS) will make them seem more mature and grown up. Teenager pregnancy is globally one of the biggest problems in today (Grammar) society. The wrong attitude towards contraception is, in my opinion (Komma) another big (Wort) reason for the amount of teenage pregnancies. Many teenagers are lazy (Wort) about using contraception and therefore becoming  (Zeit) pregnant. I recently read (Zeit) in the newspaper that many girls become pregnant (kein Komma) because of forgetting the morning after pill. Many teenagers today don´t know how big responsibility (Da fehlt etwas.) to raise a child. Becoming a parent is a big responsibility that should give priority (Hier braucht es das Passiv.), but how can a teenager handle (---) this big responsibilty when he or she is too young too (RS). The teen doensn´t (RS) fully understand that all free time is lost, taht (RS) she will have to find some may  (RS) to support herself and the child, and that any of her aspirations for future plans (Ausdruck) are now drastically changed (Zeit). Children take up a lot of time, which also means, no more school.

To raise a child involves a lot of patient  (Wortart) and sacrifices (Komma) (---) a lot of teens don´t have. Some teenagers who get pregnant early may experience anxiety, depression and other emotional feeling (Plural). We know that teenagers ages of  (Ausdruck) 15-19 are still young (Komma) and so emotion  (Plural) and other feelings of being teenagers might occur. Some of the causes of early teenage (Stil: 2 x of-Genitiv) pregnancy are  (Hier fehlt ein Artikel.) lack of education  (Komma) especially sexual education, poverty, undergraduate (Wort), or problems with the (Possessivpronome) family (Plural). Lack of Education should be given priority; I am agreeing that sexual education should be learned in (Präposition) school. And this (Hier fehlt ein Verb.) another reason of  (Präpostion) teenage pregnancy. Many teenagers don´t receive proper sex education, due to either poor teaching and the failure of many parents to discuss this topic with their children. Many progamms  (RS) in our society associated with teenage pregnancy are also increasing (Wort) and debatting  (RS) on how to prevent this (---) issue. Sex Education is one key factor that are studying whether to teach it or not. (Das ergibt keinen Sinn.)

Kurzformen, wie don't usw. sollten in der Schriftsprache - zumindest in formellen Texten nicht verwendet werden.

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de.

AstridDerPu

Kommentar von IND2015 ,

Finden Sie den Text inhaltlich gut oder schlecht ?

Antwort
von DepravedGirl, 11

Ich habe deinen Text nur mal auf die Schnelle überflogen.

Teenager pregnancy is globally one of the biggest problems in today society.

Meiner Meinung nach ist es ein bisschen übertrieben.

I can see a number of reasons why the teenage pregnancy rate in the USA is so problematic.

Sollte es nicht eher heißen ? -->

I can see a number of reasons why the teenage pregnancy rate in the USA is so high.

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taht she will have to find some may to support herself and the child

that she will have to find someone who supports herself and the child

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