Frage von Crazyabout99, 11

Englisch Text (selbstegeschriebene Geschichte) korrigieren?

This story is about a neighbor boy, who was a bit strange. I dont even knew his name, but I knew that he knew my name – everybody knew my name. My name was Patricia, I was fourteen years old and I was beautyful. That was what other guys and my parents said over me, every day. Probaly they liked my black hair, clear skin and my lips, which were red and full. Always I had a slight flush beneath my cheekbones and this purely naturaly. I was appealing thin, my hips were slight and the bones of my wrists and ankles small. My mother liked to support my beauty. This was why we went every saturday to our hair-dresser. One saturday when we came home and I had my hair done in a high Italian style, the strange boy, who lived next to our house, waited for me. He sat in our living room but he said nothing. I though I could see how sweat formed on is forehead. He just stared at me and went. Although I never knew his name we were playing Auction 45’s in my living room some weeks before. While playing he put a card right down on my knee as I sat close to him. It was so unexpected that I said: „Don’t impose.“ Few weeks before the Spring Dance, we were talking again. And although I had never done hopes, he asked me to go to the dance with him. I don’t knew how he gets the idea that I would go out with him, so i started to ignore his question. But he has not let up and asked again. I blushed because I didn’t wanted to be mean, but said anyway: „If I go with anyone, it won’t be with you.“ He anwsered: „I see“. And left. Since this day I saw him going to his woodshed nearly every day. I wondered what he was doing there until my father told me that he struck on a punching bag. He changed from day to day and gets into condition. I slowly began to regret not to go with him to the ball .

Antwort
von ShmuelRotkraut, 10

boy (komma weg) who - I didn't even know - Ist Patricia jetzt tot? Wenn nicht "my name IS"! - beautiful - said about me - Probably - I always had - " and this purely naturally" würde ich weglassen, ergibt sich ja aus dem "always had" - I was beautifully thin - My hips were slight? Was meinst du? - That was the reason why we went - the strange boy (komma weg) who - was waiting for me - Though I -stared at me and left - Was meinst du mit "don't impose"? - we talked again - although I never thought I had a chance / although I never raised my hopes - how he got - but be didn't give up - unlogisch: du hast dir nie hoffnungen gemacht, aber willst nicht mit ihm tanzen? - If I'm going to the dance, it won't be with you - wooden shack - I had been wondering ... until my father told me that he was striking a punching bag -He gets into condition? Was? - I slowly began to regret not going...

Expertenantwort
von AstridDerPu, Community-Experte für Englisch, 8

Du weißt schon, dass Doppel-Accounts verboten sind, nicht wahr?

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