Frage von Kaaaat, 29

Comment Korrektur plssssssss?

Könnt ihr kurz drüber schauen und mir vill Tipps oder Anregungen zur Verbesserung geben?

Question: Should be abandon our search for the real differences between the sexes and give up this "pernicious pinknification of little girls", as one scientist has put it?

topic: gender

Since the early 60s and 70s there is a discussion about how fare the genders set apart. This discussion also created a study and a course of studies in universities. This leads to the question: Should be abandon our search for the real differences between the sexes and give up this "pernicious pinknification of little girls", as one scientist has put it?

In my opinion we should really abandon this search of the differences between the genders, because there is a lot more important things to explore such as a cure for cancer. But we should further fight for the gender equalities in every country, we should not focusing about the differences, we should focusing on the mission that every man and woman should have equal opportunities and respect.

In conclusion i just can continue to insist that we should stop searching for the gender difference, stop to waist the time to this and we should go further to search a cure for different diseases.

Expertenantwort
von AstridDerPu, Community-Experte für Englisch, 7

Question: Should be (RS) abandon our search for the real differences
between the sexes and give up this "pernicious pinknification of little
girls", as one scientist has put it?

topic: gender

Since the early 60s and 70s there is (Zeit) a discussion (besser: Plural) about how fare  (RS) the genders set apart (Das ergibt keinen Sinn.). This discussion also created (Wort) a study and a course of studies  (besser: Plural) in (Präposition) universities. This leads to the question: Should be  (RS) abandon
our search for the real differences between the sexes and give up this
"pernicious pinknification of little girls", as one scientist has put
it?

In my opinion  (Komma) we should really abandon this search of (---) differences
between the genders (kein Komma) because there is (Grammatik) a lot more important things to explore  (Komma) such as a cure for cancer.

But we should further fight  (Ausdruck) for (---) gender equalities  (besser: Singular) in every country, we should not focusing (Grammatik) about (Präposition) the differences, we should focusing (Grammatik) on the mission that every man and woman should have equal opportunities and respect. - Aus diesem Satz solltest du mehrere Sätze machen.

In conclusion  (Komma) i (RS) just can continue to insist (Hier felt eine Präposition) that (Formulierung) we should stop searching for (---) gender difference, stop to waist (Wort, RS) (---) time to (Präposition) this (Ausdruck) and
we should go further (Ausdruck) to search a cure for different diseases.

- Für meinen Geschmack "doppelst" du.

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com, für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!.

AstridDerPu

Antwort
von peachesx3, 10

Question: Should WE (be macht keinen Sinn) abandon our search for the real differences between the sexes and give up this "pernicious pinknification of little girls", as one scientist has put it?

topic: gender

Since the early 60s and 70s there is a discussion about how fare the genders ARE set apart. This discussion also created a study and a course of studies in universities. This leads to the question: Should WE abandon our search for the real differences between the sexes and give up this "pernicious pinknification of little girls", as one scientist has put it?

In my opinion we should really abandon this search of the differences between the genders, because there ARE ( Mehrzahl) a lot more important things to explore such as a cure for cancer. But we should further fight for the gender equalities in every country, we should not focuse (!) ON the differences, we should focuse (!)ON the mission that every man and woman should have equal opportunities and respect.

In conclusion I (!) just can continue to insist (komisch formuliert )  that we should stop searching for the gender differences AND WE SHOULD STOP waistING OUR time for this. We should RATHER CONTINUE to search FOR a cure for different diseases.

Ein paar Formulierungen sind komisch gewählt, so wie man es nicht wirklich sagen würde aber das Gefühl dafür musst du einfach weiter ausbauen.  

Außerdem klingt es nicht schön wenn du die Fragestellung genau übernimmst.  Jedenfalls nicht den ganzen Absatz.  Formuliere es in eigenen Worten um. 

Dann würde ich mindestens zwei Argumente schreiben. 

Ich hab nur ein paar Fehler ausgebessert, wenn du willst kann ich es mal alles umformulieren.  In welche Klasse gehst du denn? 

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